Disconnect

I've spent the last week on my own as Glen is away for work in Australia.  I've sort of reverted to my bachelorette days of quick and easy meals for one.  Macaroni and cheese with a glass of red wine anyone?  Oh except this time I'm having a healthier version of the meal by adding a salad.  Go Jenn!  It has also put my lack of independence in my face.  I hate that I can't just hop in my car and drive myself to the movies or for a hike in the mountains....like I used to do in Colorado.  Leaving a Jenn alone with too much idle time to let her head spin is not a good thing.  Sometimes solitude is a wonderful thing....but not when you are stuck in a city that still feels somewhat hostile.  Soooo I kind of booked a trip to Thailand.  We don't really have the money (freaking wedding costs!) but the flights were cheap.  And besides as soon as Glen comes back from Oz he is going to turn around and leave for work again for another 5 days.  So if I am going to have so much alone time I might as well do it in a happy place.  Like Koh Samui.  It's kind of scary traveling on my own.  I did it in Italy and it was a little intimidating.  I really like having a travel buddy and Glen is the best.  But it's time to put on my big girl pants and just do it.  I have an American friend that might meet me there the last few days.  We met at a yoga class in Delhi and connected right away.  But unfortunately (for me) she had to move back to California.  I'm not taking my laptop.  I might pop into an internet cafe here and there.  But ultimately I'm just going to disconnect from this place and go eat really good food, do some yoga, and relax on the beach.  


So here's to independent travel and new experiences.  I'll be back in a couple of weeks!      

Litigious

A day in the life of Jenn.  I was in the kitchen washing dishes when all of a sudden the cabinets took a nose-dive off the wall.  If this happened in the U.S.  I could totally sue somebody for this.

Holi weekend in Kolkata

We went to Kolkata last weekend to visit my friend JSD and his lovely family.  We stayed at their apartment complex where they hosted Holi festivities.  I think Holi originally was celebrated to welcome spring but the way it is celebrated is with all out water wars and colored dyes.  Social norms are set to the wayside as nobody is immune to participating in the fun.....men, women, young, old.  It was the most hysterical display of recklessness I've seen in a long time.  And it was a good way to bond with one of our new favorite families.

Holi war!

One of the sweetest families ever

      


We had a little bit of time to see bits of Kolkata.  Jeremy became Glen's new hero when he took us to Eden Gardens for a Cricket World Cup game.  And we did a quick stop at Victoria Memorial.  Good weekend!  Thanks to the Seelinger-Devey family!

Eden Gardens

Victoria Memorial

Amritsar

One of the things I have the luxury to do is to hop on a train and go see more of India.  My Dutch friend Dieuwke, her friend Fleur, and Dieuwke's 4 month old daughter Eva, and I  traveled up to Amritsar for a night to check out the Golden Temple.  The Golden Temple is a Sikh temple.  It is an all-inclusive religion so we were able to enter provided we wash our feet before entering and wear head scarves.  Amritsar is also fascinating because of the Jallianwala Bagh which we unfortunately did not get to see.  It is the place where 2000 Indians were killed by the British in 1919 during a peaceful sit-in demonstration as India was trying to gain it's Independence.  We were only 30 km from the Pakistani border so we put our brave hats on and headed over.  We arrived late in the afternoon to watch the flag ceremony, where Pakistan and India raise and lower their respective flags and the soldiers shake hands.  For those of you that might not know, there has been a huge rift between Pakistan and India, Muslim and Hindu's since the separation in 1947.  So to witness this handshaking was quite an event.  It was also quite amusing because the whole episode was like being at a major sports event with all the hooping and hollering.  The audience was allowed to participate at the beginning with the running of the flags and dancing Bollywood.  The whole thing was quite a spectacle.  Hindustan Zindabad!!!  (long live Hindustan)

Pakistan

Running the flag

The crowd goes wild!

Audience participation

Bollywood comes to the border

 

Feet cleansing

More things Indian...

There's a list of things I find uniquely Indian.  Some of it is funny, some of it is appalling, all of it is nuts.   Let me start with a few things that are new to me at home...

• I tend to clean up before the maid comes.  I am sometimes embarrassed at how lazy we've become with washing dishes and picking up our clothes.
• We dry our clothes on a clothesline outside.  In the US I'm used to having a large washer and a separate large dryer.  Here we had to buy a tiny washer that also has a dryer mode.  Glen says this is the type of unit he is used to back home.  But I still freak out that if I just want to dry something...I might start the 'wash' option on accident.  Stress.
• I've always liked cooking over a gas stove (it makes me feel like a professional chef, which I am no where near).  Only now it is a gas tank stove.  It's like camping.

There are funny things that we've noticed...

• Waiters will 'present' a beer bottle and even a water bottle much like they do a wine bottle.  We slowly figured out we are supposed to touch the bottle for the correct temperature.
• We will argue with a poor rickshaw-wallah if we feel he is ripping us off or if he stops and says he can't take us to our final destination.  We will argue over 50 feet or the equivalent of 30 cents (it's the principle mind you).
• Indian radio is bringing the 80's back.  It's been a long time since I've listened to so much classic rock.  Our driver loves it.
• There's something we've dubbed the 'Starbucks Phenomenon'.  Fact numero uno: Starbucks is no where to be found in India.  Fact numero dos: ask any Indian where the nearest Starbucks is and he will give you directions.  Rather than admitting he doesn't know, an Indian will always give you directions to save face.
• Indians do not know how to queue in line.  If there is a forced line, someone behind me is always jockeying for the small gap I've left in front of me.  I've gotten really good at positioning my body to prevent someone behind me from jumping in line.  It's all in the elbows. 

And there are some really fucked up things that still go on here...

• India may be economically striving but they are still socially backwards.  They are so sexually repressed.  I read about rapes in the paper every day.  It is still unacceptable to kiss in public.  They cut out parts in movies where there is any nudity or kissing.  It's just something they are so uncomfortable with.  I can't even wear tank tops on a hot day...I have to cover up because I will be stared at.  
• There are still arranged marriages.  But HOLD UP if you are immediately against this idea because I've learned a few things.  Basically a man or a woman's parents will start the hunt for a potential suitor.  This is done through social networking and taking out ads in the paper.  So in a sense, it's much like taking out a single's ad right?  Or you could think of it instead of Match.com doing the pairing, it is up to the parents.  AND a little known fact is that when a potential mate is selected, the couple meet, and after they meet they still get to decide if they think it will work out or not.  Still doesn't take the place of a beautiful, organic, love marriage but at least there is a little progress.  And love marriages, though rare, still happen.
• Dowry's are supposed to be illegal.  But they still occur.  The brides family is supposed to give the groom a car, or 3.  The groom's family is supposed to give money etc etc.  The cost of a wedding is usually 10% of the amount of the brides father's net worth...over his lifetime!  Cha-ching!  Still sad in this day where I read about a husband that sets his wife on fire for her family not coming up with enough dowry.  dIt's desperately heartbreaking.  No wonder family's don't want to have daughters.  Ugh.  There was a newborn girl dropped off at the orphanage last November because it was the couple's 7th daughter...they were trying for a boy.
• It is illegal to get a fetal ultrasound to detect the sex of a fetus for fear of increased abortion rates if it turns out to be a girl.  Female infanticide exists however.
• The bit in Slumdog Millionaire where there's a ringleader and they take kids and send them out on the street to beg for money?  True.  They even go so far as to steal newborn babies out of rural hospitals to use them for money.      

Dr. Feelgood

I got a call last weekend from a former work colleague saying he had a 5 hour layover in Delhi. We worked together when he was a resident at Denver Health.  Now he's doing part of his fellowship in Kolkata.  Really freakin' cool to be able to connect on this side of the world, reminisce about the nuttiness of our previous jobs, gossip about how everybody is pregnant or just had a baby, and compare how medicine is different in this country.  I love life moments like these.  Oh, and he possibly earned the name "Dr. Feelgood" for possibly prescribing narcotics for patients that possibly only had headaches.  I really can't substantiate this due to lack of evidence.  =)

Wheat beer lunch

Qutab Minar

     

Taj Mahal

Perhaps India's most popular icon is the Taj Mahal.  If you don't know the story...it was built by Emperor Shah Jahan as a memorial to his 2nd wife who died giving birth to their 14th child.  It is without a doubt an architectural masterpiece.  It's hard to fathom how such an enormous structure was built so perfectly back in the 15th century, without computer aided drafting, without proper scaffolding or cranes etc.  It is perfectly symmetrical.  There are exquisite marble screen windows and hundreds of semiprecious inlayed stones.  It took about 22 years and 20,000 people to build.  Pictures really don't do it justice.  It really is more amazing to stand in its presence.

     

Hiccups of thought...

Random thoughts and goings on.  In no particular order...


~ After living here for 5 months I figured out that there must be a way to get more water pressure.  Sure enough...at the flick of a light switch, we have it.  I've sacrificed long, dribbly warm showers for fast, hot ones.


~ I've noticed a 2 months shedding period where I was losing a lot of hair.  Seriously scary when you can imagine I've been trying to grow my hair out for our wedding in July.   Don't worry, I'm not bald.  New gray hair is sprouting up everywhere.  Much to my relief I've talked to some girlfriends who experienced the same thing at the same time.  We are wondering if it is due to the water and air quality here, which apparently was winning the battle against the 'strength-infusing' shampoo I brought back from England.  I'm holding my breath as the shedding seems to have slowed down remarkably.  


~ I spent 40,000 rupees on household furnishings last month.  Sorry, but I left my life back in Denver and a girl needs pillows on the couch, candles, sharp knives, and a hand blender.  No sense in making this house feel temporary.  Even though it is, we can take this stuff with us to our next post.  I will not sacrifice my house not feeling like a home.


~ India does not know how to be quiet.  I hear cars honking all day and wedding music and fireworks all night.  They are demolishing the house next door by hand.  It's been nothing but sledgehammers for 2 weeks.  And I can only assume that after they've cleared it out that they will be spending the next year rebuilding.  Oh joy.  I love the sound of construction.


~ Our staff has become our little charity project.  In the last 2 months they have been in a car wreck, lost a family member due to a stroke, and now one of their parents has cancer and I'm afraid she won't live long.  They spent their savings on the car wreck (no one was badly hurt) so I started to worry about their finances.  It's hard to live with knowing we are their employers.  We are responsible for how much they get.  But I also know what they spend in rent and for their daughter's school.  And what I do know is that there is no money left over for basic necessities like food.  So they rely on their parents to relieve their financial shortcomings.  Their parents don't make much money so now I know everyone is living meagerly.  So we've tried to do little things to help relieve the pressure.  Our driver's phone was old so we bought him a new one.  His daughter was learning computers at school and they were saving up to get her one but then the accident happened.  I am a firm believer in education so I donated my old laptop to her in hopes that she can use it for school.  They're only little material things but they mean a world of difference for them.  They haven't asked for money but I feel like giving it to them....because compared to them, we have so much.    At least I would know where the money would be going.   And you can't imagine the awkwardness I feel when buying some frivolous, material item for the house when I know they live with so much less.  I think this is something I will constantly struggle with.


~ On a personal note, we have briefly and as thoroughly as we can have explored adoption in India.  It is not as easy as you'd think.  With heavy hearts we have nearly abandoned this idea (for the time being) as it is nearly impossible for us for several reasons which I won't discuss here.  The worst part is knowing that we having a loving home to provide and someone we know that needs one and we're not allowed to give it to her.


~ I can pull off a headstand in yoga class.  This is quite a physical feat for this lanky girl.  Inversions do not come easily but it's nice to have a new perspective of the world upside down.  I have newfound physical and inner strength.


~ I think I'm going to join the American Club at the American Embassy.  It has a gym, Olympic-sized swimming pool (score!), a bowling alley, an awesome restaurant where I can get some of my favorite foods (burgers and pho), and a huge network of people.  Funny because many non-American's are members and I'm not.  I'm going to have to change that. 


~  I still smile when I see a cow on the street.


~ I'm dying to go to a music festival and dance my ass off.


~ We bought a TV and now have cable at our fingertips.  I worry that this will reduce chat time and real life experiences but it's nice to zone out and catch up on Top Gear and TLC.


~ I'm almost ashamed to admit I'm on Facebook nearly every day.  Back in the states I would casually peek at it a few times a week but now I find I am constantly updating my status and checking in to see what people are doing.  I think I'm afraid to miss out on my friends back home so I am fighting to stay current in their lives.  I don't want to be forgotten.


~ Skype.  I love Skype!  The biggest problem is time coordination as we are half a world ahead...I just have to get over my vanity and let people see me when I first wake up.  Despite the frequent gaps in time and pixelation, it has done wonders for my happiness.  In 2 weeks I saw 3 friends and 2 family members.  You have no idea the high it gives me to see them!  It has really sustained me through the times when I miss people so much it aches.  Physically aches.  


~ The weather has been cool since December.  This has been the best time to travel because it is not sweltering hot.  We've been to Shimla and Varanasi.  This weekend we will go to Agra to view the Taj Mahal.  Later this month I'm going with a friend to see the Golden Temple in Amritsar.  Then Glen and I are going to go to Kolkata to see a doctor friend of mine from back home, who happens to be working in Kolkata for a few months.  At the end of the month is Holi, the Festival of Colors.  We will be celebrating with our Indian friends...I'm quite looking forward to the craziness!!  Next month is the much anticipated trek in the Himalayas for our birthdays!  


~ I really hope people can visit us next winter.  Seriously, if you are reading this...consider it...December through February are great times to be in India.  We have a guest bedroom and would love the company.


~ We made a good friend but he's since gone back home to Australia.  He was our catalyst to our social life here in Delhi and he is missed.  Though no one will replace his energy we have manifested new friends.  Expat life is transitory and people are always coming and going.


~ I'm pretty sure I saw a family of 5 on a motorcycle.  I'm pretty sure I've counted up to 10 people in an auto-rickshaw.


~  The world is a man's toilet.


~ Pedicures are cheap.  About 8 bucks.


~ We're contemplating becoming vegetarians for a month to see how our bodies feel.


~ Fruit smoothie is my middle name.  It's the only way for me to get all of my fruit/veggie quota for the day.  Ahhh..nutrition!


~ I love chai.  My cleaner/cook makes it for me every M, W, F when I come home from yoga.  When I make it, it doesn't taste the same.  I am spoiled. 


~  There's a westernized mall here which is my little retreat to feel a little like home.


~ I make our security guard Suraj laugh.  Not intentionally.  But part of his job is to bring me the mail (post), which is usually a bill to which I frown at.  He apparently finds this amusing.


~ I miss my dog Kona so much it brings me to tears to look at her photos.  Out of nowhere...an ocean of tears.  I really want another dog, not to replace her (we'll be getting her back in a years time) but to have a buddy to hang out with while Glen is at work all day.  I'd love to rescue an Indian mutt but I am also thinking that it would be great to have a small dog as a matter of convenience.  I am typically a big dog lover but a little one would be so easy to take care of here.  I love Frenchies but Glen can't stand them.  They are so funny looking it would be great to get a laugh every day!  That or a weiner dog.  They both have such great personalities.   Glen wants either a chocolate lab or a weimaraner as our next dog.  Between an Indian rescue mutt, a wee little companion for me, or a hyper dog for Glen (truthfully, he gets to choose the next dog)...I am doubtful we will get any of them here.  Sadface.  


~  I still find it strange that we can see a doctor the same day we fall ill and it only cost 10 bucks.  We keep a copy of the medical record, the doctor does not.  I also still find it strange that we can walk up to a chemist and ask for practically any medication under the sun and it's cheap. 


~ Glen is doing great at work.  The US workday is from about 8-5.  The Indian workday is around 10-7.  Communications styles are different here and he's learning to adjust.  I think through all his frustrations and challenges it is making him a better boss.  But if you want to hear the details, you'll have to ask him.


~ I'm loving the blogging community.  It's new to me as of 6 months ago.  I love reading posts by other friends.  It helps give me some insight into their lives, their thoughts, their experiences and I love being a part of it all.  I love feeling connected.


~ You may or may not have noticed that now I am writing in gray instead of purple or pink.  The original agreement was that I would post in pink and Glen would post in blue.  But as we have noticed, Glen doesn't post so I am taking over.  I have been having fun fiddling with fonts and layouts.  I feel quite limited in what they have to offer but I've finally settled on something I sort of like within the confines of templates.  Posting photos and videos still aggravates me...they don't make it easy!  Argh!  


~ Wedding plans are coming along nicely.  My dress is due to arrive this month and I am over the moon about it.  It's not what I thought I would want to wear but once I put it on, there was no question it was the right dress.  And I found a great tailor so we have Glen's suit all ready to go.  Am getting more and more excited for the big day!  Just a few more details to finalize and we'll be ready.  There's been a little family drama about the whole thing and for a while I was letting it get to me.  Long story short, our friends and families are scattered between 2 countries, there is simply no way to have a party in one central place where no one will have to travel.  As it is, people are coming from several states within the US and from several different countries around the world.  But fact of the matter is, those that want to be there, will be there.  We can't make everyone happy, we just hope that our celebration of love is enough to make people want to be there.  If it's not, then no worries.  I refuse to let it bother me any more.


~ I am learning things about being an expat.  It's a huge community and you need to involve yourself in it.  I was chatting with a girlfriend yesterday and she brought up a few rules to living abroad that I totally agree with and have added a few:


1. Find friends quickly, expat friends and local friends.  Only they know what you are truly going through.  You can tell your friends back home but they will never totally understand until they have been through this experience themselves.  It is so mind-boggling it makes you question your sanity.  Your friends will remind you that you are indeed (mostly) normal.  
2.  Do the things you would do back home.  Find a book club, a group to play tennis with, take cooking classes or dance classes etc.  Mine has become yoga and pick-up volleyball.
3.  Develop a routine.  This is especially important when you are not working.  It grounds you.
4.  Start journaling.  A lot of this stuff doesn't happen back home.  This is an experience to remember, you don't want to forget all the nitty gritty details!  
5.  Expand your mind.  If you thought you were flexible before...well you are seriously going to have to bend a little more to live in this country.  Doing anything here is frustrating on some level.  This is a very inefficient and corrupt country.  Don't try to change it, it will get you no where.  Instead change how you think about it and accept that things are done differently.  Just because I think my way is better, doesn't mean everyone should think the same thing...this is something that I am confronted with on a daily basis.  Just because I think kids should be in seatbelts, not sitting on their mothers laps in the front seat of a car packed with 20 other family members, doesn't mean I'm right.  I'm pretty sure I have started talking to myself to calm myself down.  I don't care if people think I'm a weird western woman.
6.  Find humor in it all.  Allow yourself to have the experience...with a new situation, with a stranger that just wants to practice his English with you...let it happen.  Though it feels like it, not everybody wants money from us.  A smile can really disarm people.


Namaste,
Jenn

Short but sweet

We were thrilled to have Glen's mum here for a visit.  She tacked on a stay with us to a tour of the Golden Triangle, which consists of Delhi, Jaipur, and Agra.  It was my turn to play hostess.  I spent the entire month of February getting the house ready, planning meals, and planning tourist things to do with her.  I don't know why I was so nervous having her come in to my domain.  I suppose I wanted to make a good impression.  After all, I plan on spending the rest of my life with her son so it's best that we get our relationship started off on the right foot.  And she so graciously hosted us at her place twice already....complete with fireplace, warms cups of tea, bacon butties, and home-cooked meals.  She's a tough act to follow!  I don't know what my problem was, it's not like she was going to peek into my underwear drawer.  She had seen most of our furniture before when she stayed with Glen in Houston a year and a half ago.  So I think I got worried when I felt like she would be assessing the place for my personal touch....as if she was going to judge me based on my cushion cover selections.  What. is. my. problem?  Turned out, I could relax.  It really didn't matter much what the place looked like.  We were just happy to be in each other's company and getting to know one another a little better.  It was nice for me to cook for her and bring her cups of coffee for a change.  And I think she got a little perspective on what life is like in India.  It's one thing for me to describe it to people but you really have to come see it, smell it, and experience it for yourself to really understand.  I hope she can see that we're doing alright here.  I hope she can see that I am good for her son.  I am looking forward to years of her friendship.  Wish she could've stayed a little longer.  Thanks for coming and see you at the wedding Norma!

Shepherd's pie!

Lounging on the terrace

Mmmm...wine!

Get over here and let me snuggle you!

Bargaining skillz

I.N.A. Market

This is where she turned green...about to vomit

Dinner at Spice

Akshardham Temple

Cricket:  England vs India

Tense

Time for pedicures

5 days wasn't enough