Routine

Well, I think we've hit that sweet spot where life is no longer frantic or shocking.  And it's a good place to be.  It's a feeling of being settled.  You know we were warned of the roller coaster of emotions you endure when you move to a foreign country.  First, you are excited that you are in some place new and everything seems interesting.  Then, you realize you are far away from home and not going back anytime soon.  You move in to your new place and it sucks because it is next to impossible to get anything hooked up (i.e. internet, mobile phone).  Nothing is on time and nothing is a fair price because you have white skin.  You begin to feel alone and disconnected.  And some days you may feel like you want to kill some one (when all your friends thought you were 'nice').  Then you finally get your house in order (a few months and one much-needed holiday later) and you are ready to charge out into the world again.  The things that used to bother you about your new place now start to feel common.  You learn to navigate your way around the city and even learn to negotiate fair prices.  You may even pick up a few new words in the native language.  You may even start to think that you might even miss a few oddities once you leave to go back home.  That's where I'm at now.  Take the cows for instance...roaming around the shopping area.  I haven't gotten used to seeing them roaming freely and so they are still a novelty to me.  I hope I never lose that kind of excitement about this place.  


Glen has settled into work.  I have found a new love in yoga.  I volunteer at an orphanage and an animal shelter.  On the weekends we have brunch with friends.  We've even been to an Indian wedding.  I think I'm actually starting to like it here.  

Jennifer ma'am & Glen sir

Glen and I are slowly making some ex-pat friends.  So far we've racked up an Australian bloke, a French mademoiselle, a beautiful-Lisa-Bonet-ish Nigerian/Canadian, and a tall fellow Dutch woman.  Will give names and faces to these people as we get to know them better.  Nothing worse than making a friend and shoving a camera in their face just so you can show your friends back home.  We've found that it is a bit more strange making friends in your 30's than when it was when you were 10.  You don't meet your best friend at the local swing set anymore.  Oh no, you have to put forth a much more concerted effort.  Networking and such.  I've learned that some people will intuitively click with your personality and some won't.  And I'm learning not to try to be friends with every single person I meet because inevitably I will be invited to a million different on-goings and find myself over committed.  I'm really happy with our little group.  They keep things interesting when we get bored of sitting at home doing the usual things.  It's funny though because there's this unspoken 'we're in this thing together'-ness that I like.  We all understand how difficult it is to live here and we're able to laugh about it together.  


We've also managed to find some stability in the people that help us.  We've had Vinay, our driver since September.  We were lucky to find such a trust-worthy guy that speaks decent English.  He takes Glen to and from work.  He also takes me all over the city....to my yoga classes, the orphanage, to volleyball.  He is also my personal directory.  If I need a vase...he knows where to get me one.  He is also my translator.  If I am at a shop trying to negotiate something, Vinay appears and starts rattling off in Hindi and somehow I always walk away with just what I needed.  He is also my bodyguard.  He puts himself in front of me if we're walking down a busy street.  He's very protective of us.  He is sensitive too, which sometimes drives Glen nuts.  But I think it's a sign that he really wants to make sure he is doing a good job.  

Vinay has a really cool moustache.

We just hired Shivani, who happens to be Vinay's wife, as our housekeeper.  She comes 3 days a week and does basically anything I ask her too.  It's strange having help around the house.  And I thought I would actually hate having someone invade my personal space.  But I must admit I've gotten quite used to it in just 2 weeks.  I come home from yoga class and boom, the house is clean when I had just left clothes piled on the floor and dishes in the sink.  There is a twinge of guilt for not picking up after myself a little bit more.  But I justify it by telling myself we're paying her good money.  She also cooks for us part time and does miscellaneous things like help me find and put together a saree I needed for a wedding.  She's a total sweetheart.  Oh and she's trying to teach me Hindi.  I suck at it, which is a good source of entertainment for her.

She makes the best chai

Then there's Suraj.  Our 18 year old security guard from a tiny village who knows where.  He quit his job at the company to come work personally for us.  He's a bit timid and doesn't speak much English.  Again Vinay, our driver does a lot of the translating.  I've told Suraj he needs to 'sack up' (so to speak) and get a little more assertive.  How does he expect to protect me if he can't even speak to me without getting nervous?  He is a nice kid though and very appreciative to have a job.  I've bought him sweets and he just thinks I'm a queen because of it.  He brings my mail and escorts any visitors up to the house.  I haven't carried groceries inside since we moved in because he's always grabbing it from my hands.  I feel safer knowing he's there when Glen is gone at work.  We have to get him a uniform so he looks more official.  Glen wants to get him a Storm Trooper outfit.  Maybe there are left over Halloween costumes at the thrift store?  Suraj is poor and doesn't have socks or a jacket.  It's starting to get cold here so my mission this weekend is to get him some warm clothes.

I had to yank him out of his guard stand to let me take his photo

  

We also have a kid that brings the newspaper every day.  But we never see him.  There's also a local garbageman that has been working this neighborhood for 30 years.  Wears the same yellow t-shirt every day.  He rides his bike with a wheel-barrow thingy behind it.  Comes up every day except Sundays to collect our trash.  I suspect he's a drunk because he smells like the patients I used to work with and some days he just doesn't show up.  He talks in Hindi and laughs.  I tell him I don't understand a thing he's saying but he repeats himself anyways.  So I start babbling in English...calling him names etc and he really has no idea I just called him a jackass.  No, I'm kidding.  But this banter back and forth happens at least once a week.  I really want to know what he's saying.  He's probably calling me a wasteful bitch for putting rotted produce in the bin.      

The penny drops...as Glen would put it

This doesn't sound like new news but some days it hits me....we actually live in India.  This is not a quick trip, no 3 month stint.  Oh no, we're here for quite some time.  And slowly this realization begins to sink in.  For 18 months there will be no easy transactions, no driving, no grocery stores like I'm used to.  For 18 months I will struggle with paying bills by going to the company in which I owe money, I will have my driver take me everywhere and feel guilty that he has to sit there and wait for hours while I eat at a fancy restaurant, and I will get my groceries at 3 different markets.  I'm adjusting to this new life.  What can I say other than it's different.  I'm used to convenience and this country is anything but convenient.  It's teaching me new levels of patience and tolerance.  I'm trying not to be ethnocentric.  Not everybody has to operate the way I want them to or the way I think they should.  I'm getting used to the pollution...the air pollution and the noise pollution.  I'm getting used to be stared at like I'm an alien.  I'm getting used to people barging in front of me while I'm in line.  I didn't know I could use my elbows as a weapon.  I'm getting used to seeing extreme poverty.  But I'm not getting used to the ache it causes in my heart.  I'm getting used to paying for overpriced imports if I want some of my creature comforts.  I'm used to getting them close to the expiration date.  I'm getting used to the frustration of not finding half of the things I need, want, or miss.  But I'm not getting used to not having my Velveeta Shells & Cheese (my comfort food) or normal absorbancy tampons.  Yup, you heard it here first folks.    

I'm NOT getting used to missing my friends and family.  That is something that never goes away.  Sometimes I feel a little forgotten...like everybody's life just goes on...without me.  And of course it should.  I just feel like I'm less and less a part of it all.  Which gives me more resolve to try harder to stay present in peoples lives.  It's even more difficult now that the holidays are coming up.  I guess it's all a part of this experience. 

It's slowly getting easier here.  I'm practicing yoga 2 or 3 times a week.  It's helping me find my center.  I finally found an orphanage that I love and will continue to volunteer at every Tuesday.  I will be 'teaching' English...which just means I'll be having conversation with the kids so they can practice their English.  I will also be teaching basic math.  Who ever thought I would be teaching math?  I suck at it.  Who knows how I got an 'A' in College Statistics!!  They also let me take 2 or 3 kids at a time to a nearby park.  We play on swings and slides.  Yesterday we got scared away by a monkey.  So we ran home in a fit.  Didn't know I'd be so frightened by a monkey.  I also joined a volleyball club.  I haven't played for 16 years and there's nothing like feeling like an ol' geezer on the court but boy...it is so much fun...and painful. 

It has finally cooled off here to more reasonable temperatures.  It's in the high 70's F, that's around 21 degrees C for you British folk.  I've finally been able to wear jeans and long sleeve t's.  It drizzles a bit every day now.  I have to wear house slippers because our marble floors get so cold at night.  I can't believe we exited one season and entered another.  We're finally starting to see the 'seasons' here. 

This experience has brought Glen and I closer together.  We rely on each other for empathy and support because it seems we're the only two that really knows what it's like to be here.  We recently celebrated a year of knowing each other.  One year may not seem too long but if you consider that we moved in together after a little more than 2 months and got engaged at 5 months....then one year feels like a long time.  And we're proud of our one year.  We talked about how much we've packed into it and how it feels like a lifetime of memories already.  We finally feel like we have a little bit of substantial history to our relationship.  And through all of the moments that I feel vulnerable here, it's nice to have my best friend beside me.

I'm not sure what's in store for us here or what we're supposed to learn.  But we're on this path of self-discovery together and through the good and the seemingly bad...it's been an experience I wouldn't change for the world.

Conflicted

If you know me then you know how in love I am with my dog Kona.  She's a crazy Bernese Mountain Dog that I had to leave back in Colorado.  Glen and I want her here with us but her coat is suited to cool weather and India gets well over 100 degrees (F) for half of the year.  The selfish part of me desperately wants her back as I think about her and miss her more and more each day.  It sucks not having her around.  But it is in her best interest to stay where she's at.  So it bothers me to think that I would pick up another dog here in India when I have a perfectly cute one at home.  The thing is that India has hundreds of stray dogs (and stray kids...but don't get me started).  I am an animal lover.  I worked at an animal hospital for 8 years prior to becoming a nurse.  I love dogs.  I will always have one.  I'm lucky that Glen loves them too.  He even treats Kona like his own child...their relationship is quite adorable.  My issue is that when I see a stray...as I do every day...I want to feed it and wash it and cuddle it.  But it would be unrealistic to do that for every. single. dog. there is out there.  So I've been hesitant.  


There is one particular pooch who got my attention earlier in the week.  I was out shopping and there she was...this tiny little thing with the sweetest brown eyes.  She just walked right up to me...tail wagging and all.  I couldn't help but wonder where her litter mates were.  Couldn't help worrying about her health...where is she going to get her next meal, her next drink of water?  I honestly don't know how they survive on eating trash and scraps.  There are SO MANY stray dogs out there competing for food with the cows.  I wonder what their life span is.  It breaks my heart.  I've seen this sweet thing twice this week now.  I've taken photos and sent them to Glen.  He agrees...she's stinkin' cute.  But I have to be practical.  Right?  She could already have a million things wrong with her.  Worms.  Parasites.  Rabies even.  Even if I nursed her to health and fattened her up I would still have to think about her future.  We live on the 3rd floor.  It would be a pain to run her down 7 flights of stairs every time she had to potty.  We go on trips.  Who would watch her?  Would Kona get jealous when we're all reunited?  How could I pick up this one and not the other ones?  Ugh, I'm so conflicted.

Tell me that doesn't tug on your heartstrings

   

Trip of a lifetime

We decided long ago that in order to stay sane in India, we would have to take enriching trips outside of India.  India is a beautiful/ugly country just like any other.  But it is very difficult to live here.  Since we are in Asia we booked a trip to Taiwan to meet my family.  This side of my family is unknown to me.  My Mom left Taiwan when she was in her early twenties.  She fled with my American father to escape her physically abusive father.  But true to being an Asian, she always sent money home...never to forget where she came from.  My Mom brought my sister and I to Taiwan when we were little...I was only 2 years old and have no recollection...but never again since.  She essentially shielded us from knowing that side of her.  In the U.S. she decided she wanted us to have a good education and be raised "American".  That meant we saw little of her Buddhist teachings and she didn't teach us her language.  Which, is all sad to me now because I feel like I missed out on so much.  It is so valuable to be bilingual these days.  And to be part of another culture that isn't so American....well, I missed out on 7 aunties and uncles and numerous cousins.  And I feel like there's this communication barrier between me and my own mother.  So it's been a dream of mine to get to know that side of my family regardless of the language barrier.  I knew I'd find a way.  With Glen's encouragement I contacted a calabash cousin that I grew up with in Oak Harbor, who now lives in Taiwan.  I hadn't spoken to him in 20 years so I hoped he remembered me.  Thank goodness he did.  And he was more than willing to act as translator between me and my family.  I have so much respect and admiration for Michael.  He is busy running a company and raising a family yet he found the time to meet with me and my family and have dinner.  It was such a selfless act of kindness and something I will remember for the rest of my life.  Without him the meeting wouldn't have been possible.

Anyways...meeting my Grandma (Ama) was a dream fulfiilled.  We walked up to her apartment and she just stood in her bedroom doorway giggling.  All dressed up to go out to dinner with us.  I couldn't help but cry when I hugged her.  She didn't have the same sentiment though and just kept giggling.  I asked Michael why on earth she was doing that and he said she said that I was so (freakishly) tall...she couldn't get over it.  I guess I wanted her to break down like I did.....it had been a lifetime since I saw her last.  But I guess from her perspective she has so many grandchildren that I was just another one.  I thought maybe I'd be unique because I was the only American one...that she might be just a little more curious about me.  But she was just happy to see me.  She said she remembered me at 2 years old crawling on the same furniture in her living room.  I wished I remembered.  My uncle took us to dinner.  There were about 10 of us.  I met 2 uncles and their wives, a cousin and his wife.  It was a bit overwhelming.  They were all so sweet.  My uncles kept raising toasts to us...we were pretty tipsy by the end of the evening.  Grandma kept burping...guess that's a good sign the food is good.  Long story short, I'm still processing it all.  Feeling a little more fulfilled than I did when I started the trip.

My 84 year old Ama

I met 2 uncles, their wives, a cousin and his wife as well

Our flight to Taiwan involved a stop in Hong Kong so we decided to stay a few nights.  And let me tell you Hong Kong is such an awesome city.  It would be so easy to live there.  I highly recommend going there if you haven't already.  We met Glen's friend Gareth and his gorgeous wife Shizuka.  It was awesome getting to know another little part of Glen.  After HK and Taiwan we wanted some R & R so we stayed in Boracay in the Phillipines.  it is a little known place but one of the worlds 10 most beautiful beaches.  The weather and water were phenomenal.  I love the local food.  Glen and I got some much needed time together that didn't include talking about the house or stress at work.  I am loving my life.  I have a wonderful, supportive man by my side and nothing is better than that.  I'm a lucky girl.

Hong Kong skyline

The photo doesn't do it justice

Shizuka, Gareth, & Glen after a night of food and beer

Clear blue waters of Boracay...paradise!

Loving life!

          

Something for me

It's been hard for me to be out of work for so long.  I've worked since I was 16.  I loved my job in Denver but quit last February to follow my heart to Houston.  This brought on a new set of personal issues.  I value my independence.  As easy as Glen makes it, I hate being so vulnerable and reliant on someone else financially.  I've also realized that as much as I tried to make nursing a small part of my life (3 days a week, can't beat that!), it really is a big part of who I am.  I love nursing.  I love every single dirty, wonderful, thankless part of it.  I'm a nurturer at heart.  If there's someone in need, I want to be there.  Maybe it's not all so altruistic...after all...it makes me feel good about myself...that at least I tried in some small way to make the world a better place, however insignificant that may be.


With the hassle of job availability, lack of the Hindi language, work visas etc., I have yet to find a nursing job here.  But I feel like my brain is going to mush and I need some mental stimulation.  So I decided to gear my search towards volunteering.  I found a Mother Teresa orphanage in Delhi so I went to check it out.  I walked in fully expecting to see a bunch of doe-eyed, cute, parentless kids...arms out-stretched for a much needed hug.  Instead, I found myself in one of the most emotionally challenging situations I have ever put myself in.  Turns out this particular orphanage houses severely mentally and/or physically handicapped kids.  Arms were outstretched only if they had them.  Some of these sweet kids didn't have eyes or were polydactyl.  Their bodies malformed with their heads cocked off to one side.  Many of them didn't have much control over their motor movement.  Severe lack of speech.  It was gut wrenching.  Still, I signed up for it so I sat down to play with some of the kids.  There was a peg board on which you had to put the correct colored shapes on the correct color pegs.  Akeel, the first boy I played with was a rockstar at it.  He couldn't speak and had use of only one arm but boy, he knew if I put the wrong shape on the wrong peg.  He would immediately take it off and put it in it's right spot.  He was so smart given his limited capabilities.  You could see it in him.  I (for reasons I don't know) started making airplane sounds when lifting the shapes to make them 'land' on the peg board.  He found this quite amusing and started mimicking the noise I made.  Then he would giggle....which brought relief to my heart.  He could feel and show emotion.  Unlike a baby girl I later held, who lay there lifeless in my arms.  Her eyes wouldn't track...she would just gaze off...to who knows where.  It was a sad day.  A humbling day.  I have to be honest and say that I'm not sure how often I will be back, if I will be back at all.  I'm doing some personal reflection on if I can handle it emotionally.  I'd hate to start up in these kids lives only to disappear because I can't cope.  They don't need that.


On a lighter note, I found a yoga studio that I love.  What better place to practice yoga than in India?  I've only been to 3 classes and am still sore after each and every one of them.  Yoga kicks my ass.  But it also provides me with a center.  The first day I couldn't focus because all I heard was the honking cars outside.  Surprisingly on the 2nd and 3rd days I was so focused on my breathing and my posture that I forgot honking was even going on.  This gives me hope because I need to learn to meditate and clear my mind.  It's physically difficult but I find that if you really breathe through it properly it is energizing by the end of the class.  Favorite position?  Corpse pose.  That's what gets me through the class is looking forward to the end.  I also love my sweet Indian yoga instructor Bindiya.


So now I have a few things to do besides play 'housewife'!  Not that I don't like that role.  I love baking chocolate cakes and carrot cakes!  A fulfilled Jenn is a happy Jenn.  And I'm pretty sure that a happy Jenn makes a happy Glen.  =)  

Jaipur

India has lots of holidays.  Every other day is a holiday.  This past weekend Glen got Friday off so we took advantage of it and did a weekend trip to Jaipur.  Jaipur is part of the 'Golden Triangle' that a lot of tour groups do.  It includes Agra and Delhi.  The 4.5 hour drive was almost as fun as anticipating our destination.  Glen and I felt like kids in the backseat of the car.  Normally on a road trip I fall asleep within at least 20 minutes of the drive.  But there was so much to see.  So much to take in.  Traffic wasn't bad once we got out of the city.  But still there was the craziness of Indian drivers all over the place.  Rules aren't enforced so we find ourselves facing oncoming traffic in our lane.  There are also motorcycles, trucks (lorries in England), bicycle rickshaws, tuk tuks packed with 20 people clinging on for dear life, camels, goatherders herding their herds...ha ha...that sounded funny...or stupid...whatever.  Closer to Jaipur the terrain resembled mountains.  Not quite as big as what I'm used to in Colorado...more like a cross between a mountain and a hill.  Still nice that is wasn't flat the whole way.  We took a pit stop for a quick bite and a pee.  I stumbled upon my first 'squatter' toilet that had no toilet paper.  I think I'm supposed to squat over the hole, use the cooter sprayer, then flush.  My imagination gets the worst of me so I turned around back to the car.  I'm so glad I packed a roll of toilet paper!  And I found one single 'western' toilet that I ended up using.  Wow, now you know my bathroom habits.  

Jaipur is crazy.  Overstimulating, loud, hostile, bustling, boiling, dirty, smelly crazy.  Yes, Katie Perry and Russell Brand just got married there.  Maybe they saw something in Jaipur that I didn't.  On the bright side...there is loads of shopping to do there.  If you can stand the hassle and the bargaining, the shopkeepers dragging you into their shops 'just to look, you don't have to buy'.  This is also the place to buy gems...but I didn't.  =(  We snapped a few good photos of the locals...always trying to savor the moments.  We found in Jaipur that some of the locals LOVE to have their picture taken...which we did...several times.  They will tap you on your arm and make the motion to take their photo....ask to look at it on the replay screen....smile...and walk off.  A few parents will ask if you'll take their kids picture.  I'm not really sure why this happens.  But it is a great way to get photos!

Jaipur's landmark architecture pieces are the Wind Palace, City Palace, Jantar Mantar  (there are a few of these observatories scattered throughout India, each one is a little different, all equally awesome so far), and Amber Fort.  On our way to Amber Fort we learned we could ride elephants from the parking lot to the fort about a quarter of a mile away.  It was an experience of a lifetime!  I would have paid anything to see Glen smile like that.  Elephants are his favorite animal and you can imagine his giddiness when he was invited to hop on.  It's one of those moments when you think "Is this really my life?  Am I really here doing this amazing thing?"  

Here is our photojournalistic vomit:

i have to disagree slightly with the future mrs parkes.  i love jaipur, i was there in 2007 for a couple of days an loved it then.  yes its a mental place, and yes, more than 2 days will send you insane, but its so alive, crazy, busy bustling, but so so alive.  great shopping, good touristy things to see, the amazing observatory is a sight to behold, the worlds biggest sun dial accurate to 2 seconds...and older than the united states.  amazing place. love love jaipur...for a visit i hasten to add. makes delhi look like a quiet backwater haven.  and yes...a hge highlight was the elephant ride, not just for the token ride, but the fact that there were dozens of them, all waiting in the 'elephant car park'...literally dozens of these huge beasts...it looked incredible.



 

Rest stop for she's and he's

Oh joy, I get to pee all over myself.



Cool thing in the water.



Snacks



Stuff



Chai tea

Glen's cool photo

Grains

'Please take my photo'

More grains

Cheeky flour maker

Another 'Please take my photo'

Wind Palace

Close up of the architecture

Another photo op

City Palace

Jantar Mantar

Astrology by some famous Ph.D. dude

The happy chappy!

Amber Fort

Stop for just a second...

...and get bombarded by kids

   



They were so happy =)

Meat

To go grocery shopping I have to go to the store to get staple items like cereal, I.N.A. market for produce, aaaand the butcher's for meat.  This grosses me out.  It's nice to get fresh, unprocessed meat but I hate seeing it and I hate handling it.  It's almost enough to make me go back to being a vegetarian.  Almost.

Mmm...head, feet, and lungs